I want to be more resilient!

How many times have you said this to yourself?

I know I have... many times, usually when faced with one of life's challenges, be it in my personal life or at work. And because I was overwhelmed by a feeling of helplessness and despair each time and I kept on hearing the phrase "you should be more resilient" to the point where it got annoying... I decided to look into the matter once and for all...

This is what I discovered:

Resilience is the process of adapting in the face of adversity, trauma and other stresses. The ability to recover quickly from life's challenges, be it a job loss, a divorce, the loss of a loved one, a serious illness etc. and turn this experience into a catalyst for improved performance and growth.

So where do we find resilience?? How do we develop it?

There are different views as to which characteristics determine resilience and how they come about:

Hardiness & the ability to grasp context

According to Warren Bennis and Robert J. Thomas (HBR 2018), these are two characteristics that allow a person to not only survive an ordeal, but to learn from it and emerge stronger. "Hardiness" refers to the perseverance and toughness that enable people to emerge from devastating circumstances without losing hope. "The ability to grasp context" refers to an ability to put a situation into perspective, bearing in mind the varying views/interpretations of different groups of people.

Optimistic approach

According to Martin E.P. Seligman (HBR 2018), another characteristic of people who have resilience, appears to be that they have a more 'optimistic' approach. Studies on failure and helplessness have shown that helplessness can be learnt, through failed attempts at solving something, leading to anxiety, depression and/or passiveness. On the other hand, there are those who don't give up, despite the repeated setbacks. They interpret setbacks as temporary, local and changeable i.e. "it will go away quickly", "it's just this one situation and I can do something about it".

Resilience and Neuroscience

Resilience depends on how well your brain handles stress. Studies have shown that resilience is marked by increased activity in certain parts of the brain (the left prefrontal cortex) and decreased activity in others (amygdala). More activity in the left prefrontal cortex shortens the period of amygdala activation, which in turn lessens the duration of negative emotion. On the other hand, less activation in the prefrontal cortex results in longer-lasting amygdala activity, making it harder to turn off negative emotion once it has been triggered. This ultimately determines how quickly you will recover from an upsetting experience.

Now imagine this, in the reverse... What you do, experience and think, can physically change your brain through what is called experience-dependent neuroplasticity! This implies that we can train our brain to handle stress and make us more resilient, which is really good news if you ask me...

As described by Debbie Hampton (https://thebestbrainpossible.com), neuroplasticity works under the same conditions as physical exercise does for the body. A single workout is not going to make much difference. However, the same activity done repeatedly, over time, will gradually have noticeable, lasting effects on your body. The same is true for the activities which shape your brain. Resilience is a skill that can be developed by changing your thoughts and behaviour, intentionally. "Over time, through the process of neuroplasticity, your physical brain can change to reinforce this skill."

This leads us to the following question: 
What thoughts and behaviours should we work on, to build resilience?

Connect with people - One way to strengthen resilience is to accept help and support from those who care about you. This could be from close family members, friends, faith-based organizations, or other local groups in your community. Assisting others in their time of need, can also help. It gives you perspective.

Do not view crises as insurmountable problems - Highly stressful events, will happen in life and often enough, we can't prevent them from happening. However, we can change how we respond to them. Invest your energy in creating the best possible life, given the circumstances. And handle the problem, one day at a time.

Accept that change/disruption is a part of life - Use this time of disruption to slow down, step back and reflect. What are you supposed to learn from this experience? Is there something you should change? Is there something you should accept? Should you work on your overall attitude?

Develop a goal - Develop some realistic goals and do something regularly — even if it's a small step — that enables you to move toward your goal.

Take decisive actions - Face the adverse situation head on, rather than ignore it.

Opportunity for self-discovery - People often learn something about themselves as a result of their hardship. They may feel stronger, more brave, have an increased sense of self-worth, a greater appreciation for life etc.

See yourself in a positive light - Believe in your ability to solve problems and trust your instincts.

Work on keeping things in perspective - Try to look at the big picture and not blow the stressful event out of proportion.

Maintain a positive outlook - Focus on what you want, rather than on what you're afraid of. Being optimistic helps you expect good things to happen in your life.

Take care of yourself - Take care of your mind and body so that you can deal with situations that require resilience. Notice your own needs and feelings and engage in activities that you enjoy and find relaxing. Work on your fitness, nutrition and quality of sleep.

Foster a culture of gratitude, at work and at home - Keep a gratitude journal. Writing down even 3 good things every day will quickly train your brain to look for positives throughout your day.

Additional ways of strengthening resilience - Some people keep a diary or journal and write about their deepest thoughts and feelings, during stressful events in their life. Meditation, visualisation, cognitive behavioural therapy and spiritual practices have also been proven to help people handle stressful situations, with resilience.

Speak to people who are resilient - You will learn a lot about their mindset first hand. Is it their faith in God? Is it their life experiences? Is it the way they were raised? Really focus on what they say and do and how they handle themselves during life's adversities. You will see that most of them weren't always strong - but they managed to pick themselves up, somehow. Ask them about it. Learn from it. It can be quite inspiring!

Conclusion:

Resilience is not a trait that you either have or don’t have. It is a skill that can be developed.

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References

1. HBR's 10 Must Reads on Mental Toughness (Harvard Business Review 2018)

2. "The neuroscience of building a resilient brain" (August 5, 2018) https://thebestbrainpossible.com/neuroscience-resilient-brain-stress/

3. "In Times of Crisis, Make Time for Your Wellness" (Center for Creative Leadership, Jessica Glazer)

https://www.ccl.org/articles/leading-effectively-articles/how-to-reach-full-potential/

4. "A psychologist’s science-based tips for emotional resilience during the coronavirus crisis" (The Washington Post, Jelena Kecmanovic, March 16 2020)

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/wellness/anxiety-coronavirus-mental-wellness-tips/2020/03/16/f187faf2-67b8-11ea-9923-57073adce27c_story.html

5. WBECS Seminar "How Coaching Can Lead Us Through COVID-19" (March 2020)